Yesterday I got dressed and my mum, partner and I drove off in a car full of excitement and nerves to my very first scan. From my confirmation scan dating I was somewhere around 11 – 12 weeks and this meant time to meet baby 🙂
In all honesty my partner and I couldn’t wait to see the little creature; I was dying to hear it’s heartbeat and see it’s actual little body and be comforted in knowing my baby is okay. It’s one thing mentally knowing you’re pregnant and feeling bloody awful ALL THE TIME and so exhausted you wish you were a bear hibernating through the winter instead, but it’s quite another to SEE the proof…to see and hear that you really are growing this little human inside and that he/she has all ten fingers and toes and a decent sized noggin.
We all filed into the little room and I lay down, waited in anticipation as the sonographer applied the icy jelly and got everything ready. You could almost hear the deafening collective holding of breath…the sonographer placed the transducer on my belly and suddenly goes, “OH! There’s two!”…
Yes…two!!! And one placenta. Identical twins and she seemed to think that they are girls. She couldn’t find a membrane so is concerned that they share an amniotic sac as well. So now I have to go to the hospital and have another scan with better equipment so they can assess whether there are one or two sacs and if there are any other risk factors. This also means no home birthing as twins sharing a placenta are considered higher risk and I’ll need to be monitored quite closely. At least they’re more than likely girls 😛
I don’t really know how I feel about all of this just yet besides shocked. I actually just keep laughing because life has never handed me anything in half measures and this is just the cherry on the top. I was already stressing about finances for one child but had made my peace and figured that things would work out because I have an epic support system and I’m actually a lot tougher than I feel most days. But two? How on earth am I going to support two babies!? And I have chronic illness. And my partner is young and works as a waiter. And I still live at home. And I live in South Africa where it’s hard enough to support oneself due to everything costing so bloody much. I’ve actually taken on an extra job, mostly weekends and sometimes in the mornings before I au pair. And I have started doing some more PA type work for my au pair boss as well. And I am pushing my house sitting a bit more. I’m exhausted already but I feel like if I don’t put in the work now then it will be harder later. I have about 6 months to work my backside off and lay some kind of foundation. I’m terrified.
But yet there is this excitement and wonder because I saw them. I heard their little heartbeats and I saw them wriggling around, waving teeny arms and legs around. Down’s risk is very low (phew) and both babies are healthy. I am also 13 weeks as of today apparently. And actually since last week have had a bit more energy! At least now I also know why I have been SO utterly sick and exhausted and hormonal…growing two babies instead of one.
Okay, I am done with work and need to lock up now. My partner is at home running me a bath (YES!) and I am looking forward to just resting tonight…and discussing all of this so we can make some plans and look at budgets.
Wish me luck!