Gosh life is weird. And the last week has been a whole lot of weird…
- New boyfriend (A) breaks up with me on Sunday saying he doesn’t miss me when I’m not there, he can’t picture a future with me, he needs to sort out his heart and head etc etc….but then he’s been crying and sad and told a friend to tell me he thinks of me and is really trying to sort his stuff out. Confusion much. Seems me and all who know us were right in that he does love me or is falling for me but is too scared to go there. Maybe he feels guilty, like he’s betraying the memory of his ex. He will have to work hard to get me back.
- I saw my reiki/psychic lady (I hate using the word psychic..she’s more just in tune with energies and guides) and she said I scare the pants off of A because I’m so unconvential. I seem to do this a lot. Why are people so stuck in their stupid little boxes. Drives me nuts. Sorry I don’t slave away to societal norms and that my free spirit scares you? lol. If it scares people then I’m doing something right by making them re think their box. She also said children and nutrition and writing all keep popping up for me. That I am done studying for now. Time to get some practical experience in my field and a foot in the door. I hated her for that because I DO NOT WANT to work with kids anymore. I’ve spent my whole life doing it. Nothing against kids, but I want something different. Anyway, the more I thought about it the more I realized I was cross because she told me a lot of stuff that was true. I’m human too and as much as I am unconventional I also get a bit peeved sometimes when hearing the truth and it’s not what I want to hear. I processed the whole thing fast, as I do, and by the end of yesterday I had brainstormed a child nutrition talk and written half a page of what I would like to say. She said I must stop pity partying, which I have been, about not being privileged enough to have gone to university or to have the money to study the things I actually want to do. She also said 4 of my 7 chakras were blocked and my root chakra is all over the place. Makes sense…my root chakra is my sense of power. And my stomach is always tender, she said it’s because I cannot stomach my life as it is. Which was also true but am working on that. I made choices. I cannot blame anyone else. It’s funny but A didn’t feature so much, she said she can see I’m heartsore but not heartbroken. This may be due to the fact that I kept my guard up because I knew from the start that he was still getting over some personal stuff and also because I know we will be together again.
- I kissed a girl and I liked it. Lol. Random but true. A casual friend of mine that I see when I’m out and about totally kissed me last night. And it was fun. And she’s a good kisser. I’ve never had a problem with male or female sexuality vibes.
- I also kissed an 18 year old…yes, 18. He actually kissed me but I didn’t stop him. This all happened last night. Him and the girl friend. Gosh he spouted a load of bullshit about billionaire father and travelled the world and wanting to be an actor…I think the actor part was the only thing that was spot on. I have a well tuned bullshit filter, whether or not I listen to it is another story, but wow. I was listening to him speak and I was thinking, “How stupid do you think I am child.” But whatever, I was trying to distract myself last night. A and this mutual friend met up for a drink (as mentioned above, mutual friend was the one who told me that A asked him to tell me ((omg what, this sounds like gossip girl)) that he thinks of me every day and misses talking to me about all the little things that happen in his day)…ok where was I…oh yes, they met up for a drink and I knew and I was nervous and antsy about what was being said and what would happen. So I went out and drank a bit and kissed two people and danced a bit, laughed a lot, and smoked a whole lot more.
- I may have an anorexic buddy. Gosh that sounds weird but I saw a guy yesterday that I’m kind of friends with and he’s lost a crap load of weight. I’ve been noticing little things when he messages me or on Facebook. I told him he’s lost a lot of weight and looks good and he messaged me once I’d left and said I need my eyes checked because he’s just as fat as when I met him. Erm…no. So I bluntly messaged that I am worried because I recognize the signs. Then he says he wants to get down to 60kg, he’s currently on 64kg. He’s same height as me, maybe a leeeetle bit shorter. I’m 1.7m/5 ft 7inch. I said I weigh 62/63kg and want to get to 58/59kg again. So he said “I’ll race you to that weight. By end of March you should be 59. Deal.” So I stupidly said it’s on. Because it appealed to my twisted Ana brain. He responded with, “I’ll be there by mid March hahaha.” Like…up the challenge why don’t you. I know this is unhealthy…but I have not lost any weight in the last two weeks at all. Even with this break up.
Okay, this is quite an essay. I’m going to stop now. Time to get some work done.