Holy shit I feel like death. And depressed. Which is lame because I had a good night dancing last night.
Went to a club, for the first time in ages, with a really great bunch of friends. I looked forward to it the whole week and luckily my body played nice and I was not too sore or tired to go. Granted yesterday was a very stressful day and I had a gazillion things to do so was on the go from the moment I got up. Maybe the extra stress hormones helped, lol. But then I may be feeling depressed this morning because of an adrenaline come down.
So I dressed up all pretty and had my hair done and off we went. My boyfriend and I are generally pretty independent when we go out, only occasionally finding one another to grab a kiss or hug. He doesn’t really dance so I was out on the floor with 2 of my girls and one of the guys. This guy dancing with us, let’s call him A, is awesome. He was just as enthusiastic about getting onto the dance floor and we were doing silly actions and all laughing. However, I think my boyfriend was getting jealous and so decided to come dance. Problem is he didn’t really dance.He would talk or playfully bump me or try hold me and kiss me…either way I was getting annoyed. I know it’s nasty of me but I was having fun and all I wanted to do was let loose and dance but he kept stopping me. He was the first one to get drunk and then he was all over me a whole lot. Grabbing me and giving a rather OTT session of PDA’s. I’m all for my man expressing his love for me in public but there is a certain level. And he was only really clingy after he saw me having fun with A and after he got rather sloshed. So the whole, you’re my property thing was really annoying.
Although, I suppose he had a right to be jealous as there is definitely a spark between myself and A. I don’t know A very well at all but a friend who joined us, whom I haven’t seen in ages, was surprised and said it looked like we’d known each other for years. What can I say, some people just click. It was the same with my boyfriend when we first met years ago. Anyway, after the nearly break up with my partner we have had a chat and are trying to work on things. I was going to give him some time to prove that he isn’t just all talk again and that he will actually step up to the plate but after last night I may need to ask for a break to suss out how the hell I am really feeling inside. The last year of our relationship has been a bit unstable in terms of me feeling really lonely and unhappy. I’m beginning to wonder if it isn’t me that’s the issue. If it’s an unhappiness or emptiness inside myself. Why am I craving the attention of these other guys? Well, two of them over the last year whom I really clicked with and whom showed me something I felt was missing from my boyfriend…taking action and showing interest in my interests. I’m so confused.
And my head is spinning a bit. I’m finding it hard to write this after 3 hours of sleep. Only got to sleep around 5:30am and I always struggle to sleep in. I need to go. Get showered, pack up my stuff as today is the last day of my current housesit, and perhaps get some breakfast. I did message the group to see if anyone else was keen but I think they are all still comatose. I may need to climb back into bed after breakfast/lunch…