Periods and Dementors

Periods and Dementors“Periods are like Dementors, they make you feel as if all the happiness is gone from the world and the cure is chocolate.”

True story. Except I got my period today, without hormone pills, for the first time in nearly two years. TWO YEARS!

This past week I have been getting all sorts of odd twinges in my lady bits. Funny enough, it was my boyfriend who laughed and said, “Oh maybe you’re going to get your period.” To which I scoffed because I haven’t had a period in nearly two years without the help of hormone pills. I won’t lie, it worried me…a lot. I didn’t put it down to my low weight because I’d been skinnier when I was admitted to a clinic for anorexia in 2009. But in hindsight I think that played a role.

Anyway, I was mostly happy without “shark week” (bless my best friend for coming up with that term) because well, then the endo pain kind of went away. But I didn’t like it either. I felt less of a woman to be honest. It’s ridiculous because we spend half our lives moaning about it, but I had no idea how much of an impact it would make on my psyche once it was gone. Then of course I was stressing about the infertility factor. No period = infrequent/no ovulation = infertility/serious difficulty in having munchkins of ones own.

So as well as the odd twinges, the last few days, after a while of not really eating much, I was suddenly eating ALL THE TIME. I put it down to the normal appetite cycles I go through, I can go weeks without feeling hungry and then all of a sardine I will have a few days of wanting to eat everything, and then it’ll go back to no hunger or IBS flare up and so on. This morning I woke up and I had that deep endo pain, the kind that gets right in there and wraps itself around your whole lower abdomen. But because I’ve been dealing with neuropathy and chronic back pain, again, I just thought, “oh well, just one of the achier days I guess.”

And then as I was limping around the kitchen (of course, where else would I be with PMS – premenstrual starvation) it hit me like a ton of bricks…omg, what if…! And I tell you, I have never been so stupidly happy to be bleeding and in pain. I was even more accepting of the disgusting nausea that haunted me for a the afternoon. Kind of. Ok, no not really. I’d still rather die than throw up. The emetophobia is one knot I just cannot seem to unravel yet.

I have just written an entire post on starting my period. Funny because it’s such a taboo subject still and I wonder how many people will read this and go, “Omg, like what the hell.” And then I wonder how many will read this and go, “I totally know those feelings!” Just so you know it’s the latter that I care about. Because that is a big part of why I started this blog in the first place: to write down my messy thoughts and arbitrary experiences in the hope that others would find some comfort in reading similar stories to their own. Like I did for so many years.

But I digress. I’m currently lying in bed feeling sooooper dopey on pain and anti nausea meds, waiting for an episode of Lost to buffer because streaming anything in this country is as painful as watching our president build fire pools and killer-chicken runs for ‘security’. And I’m sore…like horrid endometriosis sore. But it’s okay, because I am happy to feel like a functional woman again. And holy shit it is pissing buckets outside and I can barely hear myself think! Thinks it’s a sign to sign off (haha..see what I did there)…

Good night world

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