I’m so tired I can’t see straight but I can’t sleep because I feel sick and sick = anxiety. So I’m stuck in a limbo of nausea, utter exhaustion and anxiety. I’ve sat up now and put a movie on my laptop to try get myself out of this.
I so badly don’t want to be here right now. I don’t know what I’m doing. I can’t think coherent thoughts. I haven’t slept well the whole week. 2am, 12am, 11pm and then waking up at odd hours. Stomach sore. Aching. Anxiety. Nausea. And no matter what time I go to sleep I’m awake at 7am. This morning I was up at 6:30am to get to work and take Munchkin to school.
I just took an anti nausea pill. Jees I hope this works. I might lose the plot. And all I had was a chai tea, 1/2 cup homemade pea soup and 3 squares of chocolate from 6pm – 10pm! Oh and a small piece of a gluten and sugar free rusk. That last square of chocolate is what really did it. Whether it is in my head or real I don’t know. But I feel ill. Guilt could do it. Or too much sugar could do it too. I also ate the last square in a hurry…kind of a mindless shoving in my mouth and scoffing it. My form of ‘binge’ eating is eating bits of crap like that, nibbling nibbling nibbling. Eating it fast and not really tasting it. Stupid stupid girl.
Oh my stomach. I can’t do this. Gawd emetophobia is the worst. I wish I could wave a wand and make my brain not overreact like this.
Ok, it’s about half hour later and I’m beginning to feel less wobbly. Utterly exhausted but not so ill. Ended up on loo with IBS issues and really thought I’d be sick but I wasn’t. Tomorrow I must start eating right. Enough now! It’s almost like I do it on purpose. Argh. Stupid head.