So I’m sick. ‘Careful what you wish for’ comes to mind. They say the universe gives us what we ask for. Well I did say I didn’t want to eat, I need to lose weight, etc.
It’s my brother’s birthday supper tonight and then a bunch of us were going out clubbing afterwards. I hardly ever get out because of chronic illness and pain and when I finally plan to go have fun look what happens. I had a good week energy-wise but stayed in and saved my spoons especially for tonight. And the universe goes ‘fuck you’. I’m so over this. Now my best friend and boyfriend will have to go without me. Which is even worse. Lying in bed missing the fun night I should’ve had AND being all alone whilst those closest to me go and enjoy themselves.
Why today?! It’s SO unfair. What the fuck did I do to deserve this. I’m so over life. I’m so over fighting for some stupid shadow of the life I could lead. And even when I have a good period of health, I’m on edge because I never know how long it will be before it all comes crashing down. Like today. I wasted a whole week saving up my energy for a night that will probably not happen. I have 3 hours in which my body could pull it’s stupid fucking self together. And we all know the likelihood of that happening.