My man is down with man-flu. Now we all know man-flu is deadly and cannot be compared to regular flu. As an endo sufferer I had to giggle though. There he was lying down, groaning and moaning and making a big scene, I really was worried he may be dying, and yet I was tempted to say, “well sweetie, imagine living with those aches and pains 24/7″…360-odd days of the year. Because let’s face it, the majority of us get little relief from the pain. Mine is there with or without my period. And actually, my period has gone AWOL again. Which I suppose is a blessing in disguise. But my point was that I’m glad men don’t get endo because the world would come to a bloody stand still. Regardless, I said nothing and looked after him because he has taken such amazing care of me over the last while. I felt it was the least I could do to not giggle out loud and diminish his suffering 😛
Lol; it’s so weird how seeing him sick like this puts things into perspective in my own world. I’ve started to get used to the pain without even realising it. I remember when the pain first started up again, after being put on the NuvaRing and how I was convinced I could not live like this. Then Visanne came along and I was so awfully suicidal that I had to stop it, granted the pain was gone for the first 3 weeks, but it just wasn’t worth it. I decided I would rather deal with the physical pain than the emotional pain. At least with physical pain you cans till motivate yourself (besides the odd day of despair that I’m sure we are all prone to) and I can take a painkiller or meditate or do gentle yoga and overcome the worst of it. But with emotional pain or depression…there is little you can do when you are literally fighting your own mind just to find the will to live.
So here I am, nearly a month off Visanne, two weeks in to eating cleaner and being kinder to my self. I started Yin Yoga once a week, I do my own gentle exercise or stretches most mornings and make sure I walk every day, even if it’s just up and down the local mall! I am more disciplined with taking my supplements and I try my best to not take painkillers unless I really cannot function. Last thing I want is a pain killer addiction on top of all my other issues. The bloating/swelling has gone down a bit so my eating disorder is a tad quieter. Although I am sitting on 58kg which scares the bejuses out of me…I just try really hard not to think about it right now. My hot water bottle is attached to me at all times, I even took it in to a restaurant the other night. But you learn not to care so much what others think anyway.
Not all has been okay though. I did end up in the local ER on Thursday eve because the pain in my right side just kept getting worse and my gynae suggested I have it checked there as they were better equipped to deal with things like enlarged cysts or whatever else it might be. However no enlarged cysts were found and I was given a shot of morphine (my first ever) and told it’s probably endo related and I will just have to wait until my surgery in September. Also the neuropathy symptoms flared up again. Funny enough it coincided with a pretty bad herpes flare-up but didn’t go away when the sores cleared up. I have zaps that go up my spine, my legs occasionally feel tingly and my left arm feels like it’s buzzing most of the time, plus I have developed a mild shakiness. Not sure where it comes from but no doctor seems to be able to tell me, they just brush it off. Or one doctor said it is endo related and another said it wasn’t. So all I can do is sit tight until September.
In the meantime I am pretty proud of myself for managing it where I can. I’ve also started studying now so that will keep my mind busy. All in all…I think I’ll live yet. My boyfriend and his man-flu, I’m not so sure about 😉