The Bottomless Pit – Anorexia Recovery and Taking Hormones

This is a tough one. When I was given the Nuva Ring I was told I might put on a bit of weight. This comment was followed by, “Not that it’s a bad thing for you.” Ouch.

Ok fine, I haven’t piled on much weight in recovery, mostly because I am doing it all on my own and numerous factors play into it. Having IBS and the fact that I don’t digest or absorb anything properly means my appetite just isn’t big. I crave all sorts of stuff because I’m not really absorbing enough nutrients so I go through phases of eating a few types of food at a time, but I can never eat huge portions or my IBS goes insane and then I’m in agony.
Also there is still that voice that goes, “eek” every time I eat and wonders if I’m eating enough or over doing it or worried that I will start getting fatter and fatter and never stop.
Also suffering fatigue and feeling dizzy means I don’t get to exercise a lot. My Yoga practice has fallen on the way side as I just have not been able to do it without muscle weakness, dizziness and heart palpitations. I can’t really explain but it feels a bit like my body wants to collapse in a little heap and just breathing is using up too much energy. So being inactive most of the time means I don’t really need as much food either.

Now the problem is this Nuva Ring. My cravings are all over the place. I am craving something all the time but cannot figure out what. I eat what I think it might be but it never quite hits the spot. Last night I ate bacon and chicken and cheese on pizza with tons of salt…the meat and salt definitely helped a bit but am still craving something. Actually I think I’m craving more salty bacon? My blood pressure was 95/60 last week which explains the salt cravings. Also, I feel like a bottomless pit. Not hungry as such, just never satisfied. I am having a bigger smoothie in the morning now, adding a raw egg again plus peanut butter. But I still feel unsatisfied after. Then I nibble but because I’m not actually hungry just…unsatisfied…I end up feeling a bit ill. And as an emetophobe this does not sit well and makes me a bit anxious. Also, all this nibbling is making me feel a tad anxious about becoming really fat. Especially as a lot of my cravings are for fatty things. I wish I would crave an apple or a carrot but noooo, I crave egg and cheese and peanut butter and bacon and chocolate…

And the bloating, lethargy and headaches from the hormones are killing me. I constantly feel about 3 months pregnant (I couldn’t say if I look it because I have very warped view of my own body), I’m sluggish and feel heavy and weighed down. This really doesn’t help the matter. Oh and of course I’m feeling a bit annoyed and teary because of being so run down over the last two weeks and pretty much being bed bound. It never ends.

Right now I am sitting here and really feeling like I want to eat something. Not hungry, just…craving. Unfulfilled. I was thinking yesterday that at this rate I’m going to start sticking my face in the sand and eating it or may find myself chewing off bits of plastic or nibbling at the kitchen counter. I just don’t know what to do. My body is not absorbing the nutrients and it’s driving me nuts because I can feel it and I KNOW I need something, or some things, but how do I get it!! I also know I am not digesting stuff because I’m back to only going to the loo like once a week if I’m lucky. My best friend (yes we talk about everything!) was so horrified and said how unhealthy it is…I’m like, yes, I know. But what can I do. Am thinking I may drink some Epsom Salts if I still haven’t gone by this weekend. And perhaps I should speak to my Doc. Am just getting tired of talking to my doctors. I’m sure they are just as tired of me talking to them too. I’m going around in circles all the time and nothing seems to be helping 100%. We try treat one thing and then something else flares up, and then we try treat that and the next thing will get worse. It’s like I can never get all my symptoms under control at once. At least the HSV hasn’t reared it’s head in a little while.

Right, I need to go. I feel so fatigued I could really just stay in bed but instead am taking a walk to a dam in the mountains and having a picnic. Really looking forward to it! Just hoping my body will get me there :/

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3 thoughts on “The Bottomless Pit – Anorexia Recovery and Taking Hormones

  1. Same thing happened to me when taking BC! I stopped taking it and the symptoms still won’t go away 😦 check out my blog for some tips to try to get your hormones back in balance ! Xoxo

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