I cannot believe it has been a year already. Blows my mind a little. But here we are again and here is my pledge:
“I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2015 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.”
I was never supposed to be born. My mum was 16, she had the abortion papers and last minute decided against it. I was then two weeks overdue and they still had to induce…and so started a life of fighting to go back to wherever I came from.
I grew up with an emotionally abusive father who used to throw and break things, an emotionally absent mother who was a binge eater and laxative abuser, and a little brother who drove me up the wall (don’t they always 😛 ). At the age of 14, after a major move to another city, I was horribly bullied and started self harming. At the age of 18 I got involved with a drug addicted guy who verbally, emotionally and sexually abused me. We lived with his mother who emotionally abused me too. At the age of 19 I suffered a mild breakdown and I requested that my therapist admit me for a month long clinic program so that I could get better. Here I was diagnosed with manic depression and co-dependency and shoved on meds. A year and a half later I was back, this time for EDNOS/Anorexia (and NOT by my request) brought on by an apparent predisposition for it after my mother, her mother and a whole lot of being bullied and fat in high school. Oh and emetophobia. I was released just before my 3 month stay was up as I was losing more weight in the clinic than out. But at least I’d worked through some stuff. And been put on more medication. And a meal plan. And a follow up plan.
Herewith followed another string of abusive relationships with all kinds of addicts and abusers, one of which raped me. Also changing medication, not taking it, taking it again. My health started declining. I started suffering pelvic pain and, due to all the antibiotics, developed stomach issues.
Two years or so later I was in hospital having overdosed on a bunch of pills after a complete breakdown caused by my most abusive relationship yet with a coke addict.
I was in hospital for a few days and then was sent to a different month long clinic program at the local “mental institute”. Here I was not allowed to have an eating disorder as they “don’t deal with those.” However I was taken off all meds and over a week they recorded my entire life story, mulled it over with a board of mental healthcare professionals and eventually diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder (with PTSD, generalised anxiety, EDNOS and a whole host of side quirks being a part of it). I was kept off my medication as I seemed to be more stable without it and instead of hammering us with therapy sessions 10 hours a day, we were given plenty of time to self reflect and plenty of support for our own process. After a month I was released into the sunny world feeling like a new born, unsteady but ready to learn and live.
That was the end of 2012. Beginning of 2013 I decided to start a blog where I could rant and perhaps share my experiences and inspire others. I found reading other’s blogs really helped me and I hoped I could impact someone’s life in some small way through my own story. After all, the stigma of mental illness leaves many of us feeling alone. Accepting is one of the hardest tasks.
I write about tackling my labels, including physical health labels as I have been diagnosed with IBS and found out my lovely coke-addicted ex gave me herpes. I also spent the last year revisiting my eating disorder after my IBS got so bad that I pretty much stopped eating. I am quite spiritual and find my healing through more natural ways such as naturopathy, yoga, meditation and awareness. Here’s to another year of learning, healing and hopefully inspiring!
To take part in Blog for Mental Health 2015 or to see what it is all about, click here