Lying in bed after being up most of the night, not because I was sick but because my brother was. Food poisoning he seems to think. I however, in my usual fashion, start getting all anxious about bugs. Having IBS means I’m no stranger to tummy troubles and although I am getting much better, I still have flare ups once a week or so.
One really big positive to come out of this IBS situation is that I very rarely get bugs and I seem to be okay in terms of dodgy food; mostly because I just don’t eat it or am really careful because I already suffer enough as it is. With the bug situation, I’m not sure if it is because my gut is not a very nice place to be (even for these nasty critters), or if it is because my gut is quite strong after years of dealing with its own issues, or if it’s due to the daily probiotics or the fact that I take in a lot of super foods/nutrients. Perhaps it’s a combo of all the above. Either way, for an emetophobe like me, this is a complete blessing and it makes me rather happy to have IBS instead! Backwards? Maybe. But it’s true.
However last night wasn’t pleasant as I was battling some serious panic issues running over scenarios in my mind, thinking, “Omg what if it’s a bug he’s got. I can’t catch it! I just can’t! Maybe I should stay at my boyfriend’s place for a few days. I need to bleach the bathroom. Oh and wash my hands extra thoroughly before I touch food or my mouth or anything for that matter (even though I wash my hands carefully anyway). Argh, where is this germ lurking. What is my stomach doing? oh no, do I feel sick? Calm down it’s all in your head. But what if I’m sick?? No you’re not. But what if? He’s fine now, it can’t be a bug or he’d still be up so calm yourself you ninny!”
I often wonder about the amount of people living in my head, lol. All these little sides of me that argue it out, logic vs BPD vs anorexia vs EDNOS…like Dissociative Identity Disorder..but without the memory issue 😛
Anyway, I woke up and went straight to loo with jittery tummy, which I will link to the anxiety I was battling most of the night. I drank my probiotic on an empty stomach and just now was able to stomach my normal morning super food smoothie. Plain double cream yoghurt, green powder, raw cacao powder, cinnamon, banana, almonds…yip, I should be alright with that kick of nutrients!
Crap, it’s time for me to get ready for work. I’m waffling due to my tired brain again anyway. I need to post about some interesting theories on Borderline Personality Disorder but that will have to be later. Right now I know I’m going to wash my hands a lot for the next few days and probably eat very little again. And so it goes.