Gah…food. I struggle to eat now in general. I rarely feel hungry and I get full up so quickly. Food just doesn’t appeal much.
Christmas eve supper at my dad’s tonight. I ate about 2/3 cup of green salad, 1 heaped tbsp potato salad, 2 pieces of chicken off a kebab, 1 forkfull of coleslaw and 1/2 a mug hot water plus my digestive enzyme tablet so my stomach will actually digest my food.
I am trying to put on some weight but am feeling a bit triggered. My dad started eating non stop before we actually sat down to eat the meal. Then he still ate a whole meal. Then my mum was nibbling after. I was feeling so full and she’s still eating a bit of pie and some peanut brittle stuff and more pie. And I can see her binging pattern and asked if I should move the desserts away for her, and with her fingers in the bowl, “no I’m quite happy here thank you.” Then it’s fruit and ice-cream and bowls piled high again. My mum even having a second helping. And I know I’m probably going to hear about this later.
And I also know this is bringing up some issues I didn’t realise were hiding! I just see gluttony. I mean..how much can a person eat! Gross. Pigs. Sheesh. I know this is bitchy and nasty and I’m not sure where it’s coming from. What is being reflected back at me?
I’ll have to look at it, just not now as I’m all groggy with food and feeling so bloated. Oh and in other news, things with my partner are great. We obviously both needed this wake up.
Argh. Could just sleep now.