I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. Skinny fat is indeed a thing. I am skinny fat…fat skinny? Whatever.
Sure, I weigh 54kg/119lb but I am not toned skinny, I am flabby skinny. This is what happens when you suffer from eating disorders and chronic illness at the same time. You don’t want to eat and you can’t exercise. yay.
I SO badly want to start working out. I need a trainer who can tone me up and make me pretty. Skinny fit. I’m fed up of the cellulite and wobbly bits. I would rather weigh a bit more and be toned than have all the saggy bits that wobble underneath my clothes. Perhaps this is why I don’t see myself as ‘perfectly thin’. I know on some level I am skinny, I’m certainly not horribly fat…but I still won’t wear shorts or sit around in my bikini if I can help it.
Here is what I see in the mirror:
I have those awesome saddlebag things on my thighs and my bum is definitely not perky. And I have icky cellulite.
My boobs, having gone from an E cup down to a D now, are saggy and made up of droopy skin and stretch marks. You can imagine how sexy I feel with the most feminine part of my body looking like drooping sacks. And I’m only 26.
My stomach likes to bloat. I also have bad fat rolls when I sit down. Like more than I should have considering.
Chicken wings. Those lovely flappy bits on ones arms.
And I don’t SEE skinny (thank you body dysmorphic disorder). I can only feel it sometimes when I try on clothes and realise how they fit.
So something needs to change and I’m getting more and more motivated to get myself a trainer (If I can find one I can afford) and start working on building some definition. I am eating more now as I know my body needs to repair itself from all the damage done by myself and medication and the digestive enzyme pills make sure I have to eat a substantial meal eg. breakfast this morning has been two eggs scrambled with water and parsley, over bean vermicelli noodles plus a smoothie of blueberries, banana, raw cacao and almonds. I’ve been told to eat tons of protein already so I’m hoping that as I heal I can use this protein intake and build up some muscle. I cannot walk around like the skinny-blimp any more! Also my physio has told me to strengthen my legs so I need to do low impact leg exercises that won’t damage my joints further, which is kind of extra motivation.
Anyway, before I digress. Here are some pics of skinny fat vs skinny fit. How’s this for motivation:
BAM…and tonight I start yoga again! Let’s hope my joints behave themselves!