Today’s Motivational Picture and Update

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Amen.

I need more spoons.

Still on crutches after busting my knee last week. This means no yoga. Apparently knee cap issues, underdeveloped muscle connecting thigh through knee to lower leg and something about worn down protective cartilage. First physio appointment on Monday. Plus need to start cycling on exercise bike. I laughed. It’s a good day when I can stay awake past 11am without wanting to fall over with exhaustion plus my knee locks.

Saw naturopath who told me I have damaged gut (pretty much leaky gut) which is why I am sick and just getting sicker/more sick (English not so good this time of night). Willing to try anything at this point but can’t afford all the supplements so taking the main one plus did research and am putting myself on an elimination/cleanse diet for 3 weeks. Will start Monday (haha…no, really).

Still no period and gynae, as per usual, still hasn’t replied to my email. Naturopath said this should come right as my gut and therefore my  body fixes itself.

This is what my body feels daily:
Constant fatigue, at the moment only lasting 3 or 4 hours out of bed in morning before shaky with exhaustion.
Near constant mild headache every day.
Bloated and blocked up (don’t know how else to describe the feeling).
Queasy and horrid GERD especially in evening.
Hardly ever hungry because of above.
Still pins and needles that come and go in lower legs and arms.
Inflammation in left heel which flares up if I’m on my feet too much.
Knees ache and right one grates and locks.
Hands and shoulders ache from stupid crutches.

Yet everyday I get up and smile and continue. I’m still making plans, I still see work is done, I pretend I’m fine because I don’t want to be a burden on anyone. But my god what I’d do to have someone turn around and say, ‘sit down. Let me make you tea/supper/whatever.  Today I’m looking after you.’

I don’t even have the energy to look after me anymore.

FML. Why did I become so good at keeping my shit together.

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