That is how I feel. Shmeeehhhh.

Last night I popped my knee out of place. Having always had weak knees and ankles, this is no knew occurance. However I popped it out so badly that I couldn’t move it or pop it back like normal. There I am sitting in yoga class (we hadn’t even got passed warm ups) and I’m clutching my knee going…um..I can’t move it. I got a bit panicky as I realised it hurt like hell whenever I tried to move it to click it back. I was stuck.

Luckily it was my mum’s class so she got the sports guy to come see what he could do. He tried to help but every time it was moved even an inch I wanted to go through the roof! By the time the 2rd guy was called in to see if he could do anything I was crying and clutching my leg so tightly I was afraid it might snap. Eventually the one guy suggests taking me to the ER. Terrified by the thought of being moved I started breathing and just slowly twisted it out finally getting it straight and kinda back in place (yay for control issues). The one guy then basically implies I’m faking and have obviously been practicing my pain face in the mirror.

Effing christ…what do I need to do to be taken seriously!? Once it was straight the nice guy helped me get it bent a bit again so we could feel what was potting and just put some ice on. I’m on crutches today. My knee still feels wrong. I can’t bend it without help and have to do it slowly. If I move it around it just feels like it wants to pop out again. It grates when I do bend it and it aches pretty much all the time. I’m sitting with it bent now and can feel the pressure inside.

I haven’t been to the doctor because I feel like an ass. I feel like people just think I’m being a big baby. Maybe they are right. Plus I really feel ashamed to show up at the doctors yet again. But i have a feeling I’m going to need to see her.

I just keep laughing manically because I actually cannot believe my luck.

My ovaries have stopped working. I’m in pain from hormones and keep needing to pee like a racehorse.
Still fatigued and fluey from the Herpes outbreak I’m busy fighting off.
IBS has been killing me the last two days and am so constipated that I’ve been bleeding again.
Still have pins and needles in my lower legs and arms.
Still have inflamed left heel and wearing orthotics in my shoes.
And now my knee.

So I ask..can I just get cancer already?  Let my heart give out? Septicaemia?  Anything is better than all these stupid little things that make me feel like a total pathetic case. I feel like people think I’m doing it for attention or being dramatic…oh yes, gee whizz, I looove feeling like this. I love not being able to do what I want. I looove having to lie in bed. And I love having to spend not only thousands of Rands but hours of my time at the doctors. (That was me being dramatic by the way) lol.

So tired of this I’m actually just ignoring it now. I’m out of ideas and totally out of “give a fuck”‘s.


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