The Battle of Calorie

I saw my gynae on Monday about missing periods. How’s that for an openng line, lol.

Been 6 months now and no, it’s not just my weight, my period on the blink long before my eating got all out of whack again. Anyway, apparently I am not ovulating at all…like nada, zilch, squat..plus I have a very thin uterine lining. Okay, so that explains the no period thing but whyyyyy??
Dunno.
Great.

Told to take Provera for 5 days and to bulk up. I kid you not, her words: “bulk up”. So: eat more protein, good fats etc. I did say I was eating. She says watch your portion sizes.
Yeh okay.

First day not so bad. By supper I feel a bit anxious but I force myself to eat and even have 2 squares of chocolate covered turkish delight after. Thanks mum.

Wednesday I feel okay. But not entirely happy. I am hungry a lot.
Like, A LOT.
“Well I’ve gone and done it now.”
I have some yoghurt with blueberries and rice krispies for supper. But whilst hosting/mc-ing, around 8:30pm, all I want is chips. So I order and finish an entire small portion! And felt proud…wtf.
But then get home. Still feel like bottomless pit but also bit guilty. Have two squares of caramel chocolate against better judgement. Feel sick. Anxious. Guilty. Shivering like mad..so cold..so sick. Whywhywhy.
Take anti nausea pill, make hot water bottle and eventually fall asleep.

Thursday morning I wake up and swear I never want to eat again. I am not even slightly hungry. I’m bloated and feel sluggish and heavy. Elephant-me gets up and drinks a mug of hot water. I had a rusk and hot chocolate (with water) around 10:30am. Then nibbled a crunchie for an hour with another mug hot water. 3pm I have two slices toast with some avo and scrambled egg and a mug of hot water.
I was hosting a charity event that night so supper was a nibbled half a sandwhich (tomato and lettuce with slice avo) and some rooibos tea.

This morning I am bloated and feel just as sluggish and heavy. My throat is a bit tender, with my voice going all raspy, and not in a sexy way. I just had a rusk and some honeyed ginger tea then off to yoga. I started doing yoga every morning at home when I wake up, then still do my classes on Tuesday night and Friday morning.

I’ve told myself I want to work towards some new poses but am aware this is compensation for having to up my calories. Sly little Ana. I may need to see a dietician, all the nutritional knowledge in the world cannot help me fight this on my own. I see nothing wrong with how I was eating. My body weight settled at 54kg and it’s been here for moooonnths. So if I have to up calories I’m going to need help. First I’ll just finish the Provera pills and see what happens.

Maybe not having a period isn’t such a bad thing.

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