I feel like I may be making some progress at last. Although my health is still all over the place my eating disorder seems to be taking a back seat. I haven’t calorie counted since Tuesday! Yay me 🙂
I think a part of it is the fact that I am so tired and sick means I’ve been focussing more on taking in good food when I can than starving and feeling worse. I don’t have the luxury of falling of the bandwagon again and in order to work and pay my bills I need to be able to function on some level. Also the nutrition course I am doing via Coursera.org plus the Patrick Holford seminar I went to has shed light on a few things.
1) It’s not so much the calories as it is eating healthy, nourishing foods. By eating mostly good stuff like fruit, veg, superfood smoothies, whole yoghurt and healthy grains I am feeling less antsy about calories as I know I am giving my body the right fuel. Granted this may be seen as tipping into orthorexia and I do have some serious issues when I eat unhealthy rubbish. The guilt and absolute need to move/exercise come back and I still struggle if my portions are bigger than what is ‘acceptable’ in my mind, but at least I’m not as obsessive as I have been.
2) I have decided I want to study nutrition. I’ve been searching for a course that includes biomedicine and physiology and is not going to set me back hundreds of thousands in student loans. At the moment I have one particular course that may be just what I am looking for and have emailed to set up an appointment. I figure if I tie this in with yoga training I could use these and my previous life experiences to help others.
3) My boycotting conventional meds has not been a bad thing. Sure, I am a bit of a nutcase but I am funtional. I’m beginning to see some light in terms of big pharmaceutical companies and the fact that it’s more about money making than helping people. There is a lot of focus on nutrition and alternative medicine which I’d like to get involved in.
Anyway, I tend to get obsessive about things and am hoping this isn’t just another phase; like transfering my ED in to another obsession (nutrition).
Let’s see where this road takes me…