What the Crack

holy shit I feel like I may be dying.

My body may finally be giving up on me. I made it through an incredibly busy weekend, got home 3pm on Sunday and fell into bed and slept. And then went to my brother’s farewell (miss him so much) and then got back into bed and slept some more. I finished my 5 day course of antivirals on Monday so figured, cool, fatigue and brain fog should start clearing. But no. I did manage some gentle yoga last night as I just cannot lie in bed any more but then this morning I wake up and voila, another herpes flare up is going on. I called my doctor and am told to immediately get another 5 day course of medication. Fucking yay.

I drag myself out of bed, where I’d been working on my laptop most of the day, and swim through fog into the pharmacy and pay another R200 for 10 little pills. I then wade through to the shop and get more yoghurt for smoothies and treat myself to some blueberries which cost another arm and leg, then somehow get back home where I flop on to my bed again with my lower legs tingling like mad and my head swimming. I also haven’t felt hungry today. Not once. I forced myself to eat lunch around 3pm because I realised I felt mildly sick and hungry and around 4:30pm fell asleep without meaning to. I woke up and it was like pulling myself out of a quicksand filled swamp.

I don’t know what to do. I hate this. I cannot function. I am struggling so badly at work. My legs sometimes don’t want to listen to me at all and my body feels like lead. I’m going to lose my job at this rate. And I only work for 4 hours for heavens sake.

So I say, “What the crack…” What is going on? And can I please just feel better now 😦 Please, please, please…