Same Old Knot

Sitting up, 00:20am, dealing with same old nausea/heartburn/cramps. Except this time I know it’s my fault because I ate a few things I knew would probably set me off. Starting with trying a Quorn crumbed ‘chicken’ patty. Disappointed in myself.

You see, I was at a BBQ and wish I’d just had more self control. Wish I’d been stronger. But I’ve been really hungry today and everyone was nibbling yummy things, I told myself no but only lasted an hour. I didn’t nibble much but I nibbled trigger foods..although most foods seem to trigger me at the moment there are those that I know all the books say to avoid. Anywho, my own fault.

I have also had noticeable pelvic pain today. Started with a weird tearing feeling this morning and since then has been on and off. Right now I can feel it and can only describe it at ‘twinges’. Also hugging hot water bottle to try ease stomach and pelvic pain, never mind that it’s 7 degrees! I can feel it burning my already marked stomach but I can’t help it. I need it.

I also need sleep. Anti nausea pill has made me very drowsy but heartburn means I’m having to sit upright which makes sleeping difficult. I emailed my gynae on Thursday to ask about lap surgery for endo investigation and found a pelvic pain center which I also email explaining, briefly, the discomfort/pain, and tests I’ve had done. Clinic replied to say I should see their pelvic floor physio first. My first thought is, “what the hell have my pelvic floor muscles got to do with any of the information I sent???” I’m so over doctors who just care about the money. SO over doctors who brush me off or don’t listen properly or tell me it’s all in my head. I understand it can be partly psychosomatic but I’ve made changes to nearly completely rid my life of high stress and anxiety. I rarely go out, I eat very little, I left the fashion industry, I try be more gentle with myself, do yoga 3x a week and use breathing exercises. But still this mystery illness just gets worse!

So just waiting to hear back from gynae. In the meantime I plod along one day at a time, sometimes hour by hour.

Omw I just passed out, haha! Time to try get some sleep obviously. Here’s to hoping I can have a restful night.

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