I just felt completely connected to this post, especially this:
“I am in love with the notion of fading away because I am terrified to be present instead.”
“You’ve lost weight! Are you in love?”
In love. Yes, I am in love. I am in love with a certainty that leads to starvation and then not just with the idea itself, but with the empty, gnawing feeling of it. I am in love with the notion of fading away because I am terrified to be present instead. I am in love with the knowledge that my demons will spare me the heart ache of being consumed by this relationship. Indeed, they will consume me until there is nothing left to love. Not for him. Not for me.