Food Hate and IBS

image

*trigger*

This is what I am reduced to eating: 2 tbsp plain yoghurt and half a mashed banana. My stomach is so inflamed that even this makes me feel sore and bruised.

I finally passed out around 3:30am and slept until 9:30am thanks to the tablet I’d taken. I woke up and cried, and cried and cried. My whole body feels broken and today is a really bad day. I am forcing this banana and yoghurt down my throat and with each teaspoonful my digestive system aches. My emotional being aches with resentment and anger at this pathetic vehicle I have been given. I . Fucking. Hate. This. Body. I’m crying now as I type this; pathetically emo I know.

My boyfriend is making himself some noodles with mozzarella cheese for lunch and I’d do anything to be able to have a small portion. Although I restrict, I still like the freedom of being able to choose what I eat but with this I physically can’t eat much of anything. I hate smelling the delicious aromas. I hate the lack of freedom my body imposes on me. I hate that I’ll be confined to bed on this exquisitely sunny day. I don’t want to live like this.  This isn’t living at all.

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