Your Eatopia Blog – I Need How Many Calories?!!

http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2011/9/14/i-need-how-many-calories.html

Incredibly interesting. This made me feel a bit sad though, not sure why. Perhaps because I suddenly feel overwhelmed and a bit hopeless.

I am freaking out and feeling sick eating 800-1000 calories a day (upped over the last week). I’m eating at odd times because I often feel so full from one meal that I don’t want to eat another one. I sometimes think I feel hungry but I feel guilty so I nibble a bite here or there and just end up feeling more sick. I also find I’m eating high calorie foods like egg, muesli, pizza, tuna mayo, peanut butter, etc. because I’m craving them. But this also means I’m eating even more sporadically and less to counteract the calories. For lunch today I had 1/2 cup gluten free muesli with 1/2 cup full cream milk and it took me an hour to eat it. I was confused with hunger/sick/guilt so ended up nibbling a teaspoon of chicken ‘cottage pie’ every hour or so for about 4 hours. It’s now 3 hours after that and I feel hunger pangs but I feel sick at the thought of more food.

I don’t think I can do this on my own. I want to cry and I have that ‘want to escape my body’ feeling again. I want to go running and never stop. This last week has been pure hell. I can’t eat 2500 calories!!! Are they mad?! I hate food and I wish I never had to eat again. But I’m at my boyfriend’s house and I know I have to eat. I feel completely out of control and my body is sore, sick, tired. I’ve had a headache for 3 days and have been constantly exhausted and dizzy with it. I’ve slept more since Wednesday than I have in ages, I just keep lying down and passing out.

That article actually opened up a can of worms. I’m going to go force food down my throat now. Feel sick just thinking about it.

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