End of Holidays

Back to work today. I got back home from house sitting yesterday and today I start au pairing again as the family is back from vacation. Schools only go back on 21st July so I have two weeks where I will be working a lot of full days. Tomorrow I have to be in at 7am! I also start house sitting again from tomorrow, for another 6 days. Oh and I have that performing job of mine tonight straight after au pairing until about 10pm.

Anyway, I’m actually lying in bed at the moment. I woke up so utterly exhausted that I can barely keep my eyes open. The thought of having to go to work scares the crap out of me, especially as I will be on the go until about 10pm tonight. I’m contemplating a nap now.

I don’t know why I woke up so tired. Yesterday I ate more than I normally do in an attempt not to keel over. I told Ana to shut the fuck up and although I can’t eat a lot at one time, I did have more teeny meals during the day. This is what I had:

Breakfast was one rusk with some rooibos tea with tsp honey and a lemon wedge.
I made a smoothie to sip at throughout the day as well (1/2 banana, 1/2 cup fat free Bulgarian yoghurt, 3/4 cup orange juice and some pomegranate arills). I had a few sips as I was making it.
Snack was a slice of rye toast with a slice of cheese, one Kitkat finger and some chamomile tea.
Another snack of half a crunchie.
I had a cigarette and almost passed out. Whole body was tingling right down to my toes and I felt suddenly sick and room was spinning. This forced me to eat lunch.
Lunch was one slice rye toast with marmite, a rusk and some rooibos tea with one sugar.
A while after lunch I started sipping my smoothie. I drank it over about 2 hours.
Went for a short, slow walk.
Snack of 1 crunchie and a cup of rooibos, no sugar.
Went to an hour of yoga.
Supper was 1/2 cup veg soup with one slice mozzarella cheese.

After all of that I felt so ill with guilt but I took out my Osho Zen cards and did a reading for myself and then went to bed. I was so exhausted that I didn’t even read my book like I normally do. Woke up twice with panic attacks though. 

This morning I made myself 1/2 cup rice krispies with 1/2 cup milk, 1 rusk and a cup of rooibos with 1 sugar. I’ve had to leave 1/3 of the cereal and at least 1/2 of my tea as my stomach feels so full. My head is spinning and I feel shaky and stomach is gurgling. I noticed I seem to suffer more from anxiety and stomach issues on Wednesdays, when I know I have to perform on stage. I only realised this recently, didn’t make the connection before.

Okay, my head is bouncing around too much and I can’t keep focus. Will post another time.



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