Today has been a shocking day mind-wise. I am exhausted. I kept waking up last night feeling a bit panicky for god-knows-what reason. Then felt nauseous this morning and really weak and shaky, but also hungry. So I ate a rusk and a slice of toast for breakfast.
Was really hungry whole day today but also feel sick on and off. Started feeling anxious about feeling sick which makes it worse, as per normal. I’m sitting at my laptop in a pub where I perform on stage every week and I just want to run away. It’s busy and I feel vulnerable and nervous. I don’t want to go lie in bed either though. I want to run away from my body. I want to break out of this stupid shell, this sickly skin, and be free of all this. I don’t want to feel sore and exhausted and sick. I’m so tired of my mind running, running, running…”what if, what if, why did I do that. Oh I forgot something again, Why can’t I remember yesterday. No I don’t feel sick! have I eaten something funny? No! Don’t be silly. But what if you did? Why do I feel sick? Is it in my head? I feel hungry. How can I feel sick and hungry? I want to go home. Too much noise, too many people.”
I feel overloaded. But I have to do this. I need to pay the bills. Especially my hypnotherapy session tomorrow.
Okay, here I go…